VALHALLA

So, for you violence-mongers who claim constantly on the Interweb to not be able to wait to get to Valhalla (because you’re a “warrior” of some repute), some things that you might consider:

1. You will actually have to fight…consistently, violently, and forevermore upon arrival…unlike your real perceived LARPing life.

2. You have to die violently, murdered or killed barbarically in this life to get there.

3. There will most likely be few women, pacifists, or calm rational people there so you’ll be surrounded by other Neanderthalic boneheads that will trying to bludgeon, dismember, and mutilate you for the rest of eternity.

4. You will be sent there at the whim of some all-powerful being’s whimsical gameplaying and entertainment before he gets tired and obliterates you out of boredom.

5. You have to be chosen to go there by being one of the bravest and most talented – not just anybody who considers themselves a “warrior” or alpha male is admitted.

6. Your fate was thought to have been decided long before the battle even commenced at the hands of Odin and the Valkyries. Chess pieces on a moving board.

7. Valhalla was in a constant state of war where violence, conflict, damage, and aggression were the norm. After a life filled with said traits, I think I want to rest peacefully in my afterlife.

As with real violence, I don´t think people that talk about “meeting others in Valhalla” in the afterlife really know of what they insinuate. As much as I try to avoid real-time violence in my current life, of which I have only one, so to is it prudent to avoid talking about the same in some kind of spiritual haven for

I don´t know where I´m going in any afterlife, if anywhere, but I do know that if I have to spend eternity with a demographic of people, it´ll be with loved ones in a peaceful non-glorified setting, not a battlefield where Neanderthals, violence-mongers, fetishists, keyboard-warriors, predators, and shit-talkers correlate. Had enough of that in real-life, thanks very much.

Have at ‘er, not in.

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